Death Takes It's Toll

by Elsie S.
(Virginia)

Since I was young, the most significant dreams I've ever experienced were all related to death.

My childhood was somewhat disturbed by my dreams at times because it felt as though I had faced death itself. Once I had a dream that I was a college student living in this house/apartment. I was friends with the old cat lady next door. A strange man came to her door and killed her, dragging her body down the stairs with the unforgettable thump of her body. I decided I was going to rescue her and I followed the strange man. Soon he had found me crouching behind a bush. He held a shotgun to my head. My heart began to pound to the point I could feel it jump out of my body. I stood there in silence with the shotgun a my head. Then a loud bang and I jumped out of my bed. I had tears streaming down my face and the center of my forehead where the man held the gun was hot and searing in pain. I had felt he bullet but blacked out instantly after.

I have dreamt that dream several times. And each time I try to control the outcome so that I won't die. I don't go to sleep and my body is at peace. I actually live the dream. I feel my heart race, I feel pain, and I feel emotion, whether I am myself in the dream or someone else. That dreamed last reoccurred about 5 years ago. Lately my dreams have involved that very shotgun used to kill me. If I am to dream of something I feel like I'm either in the past in someone else's life or I'm in the future of my life or someone else's .

I have just recently got out of an abusive relationship with my ex boyfriend. It was a bitter breakup and I was hurt both physically and emotionally. I have finally moved on from him and decided to venture out on my own terms. I quickly fell asleep that night after I had seen him several times that day. That night I had dreamt of me sitting on his bed and him in absolute tears. He looked so broken down and I softly said I had found someone else. That moment he instantly put his head in his hands and started to grieve as if he had lost the person he loved most. I don't know but it felt as though I was right there with him and my heart ached. He didn't show up to school for several days and had found out he has been going through a deep depression. I hope you can help me figure my dreams out. I really need advice on how to interpret my dreams.
Thanks
Elsie